Friday, October 21, 2011

Spectres of the past

A man was walking through a park in Paris. The park was so beautiful that the man could not believe what he was seeing. It was as if he was inside the painting in the movie "Mary Poppins.". As he walked he became more and more focused in the present. It was as if there was a circle with a red dot in the center of it helping him focus on his surroundings. He saw a carousel with parents and their children playing on it as he continued his stroll home from work. All of a sudden as his walking meditation grew deeper, he saw himself walking with the spirit of his child self, and they were holding hands. This man had a childhood which started as a very joyful one. He was a musician by trade, and his grandfather used to play whatever he requested when he was a child. This spectre of the mans past whom he was walking with was little, innocent and happy. The innocence of a child is indispensable, he thought. Oh, how he wished he could have that back. As he walked with his past spectre that child started to get older. He remembered being a young child in an all boys school where he got to travel a lot. He remembered how he had a tough time in this all boys school. As he continued to walk holding hands with the phantom, the phantoms hands became colder. It was as if that innocence was going away, and he was beginning to face the growing pains of adolescence. As they walked the child grew more, and the child began to become more reserved and distant. The man felt a chill down his spine when these pains of growing up came back to him. As he continued to walk with the spectre, the boy was now in high school. He remembered having a good time in high school, but the spectre was now angry. The wounds were deep on this boy, and it was hard for him to trust people. As the man held hands with his past self, there was a feeling of disconnect and depression from the boy. Then the boy was in college. As the man continued to walk in the park, he remembered doing well in college and grad school, but he remembered having to drink a lot at parties just to feel comfortable. Then all of a sudden before the flash of his eyes, he was holding hands with a grownup in his late twenties. That was his grownup self from ten years a go. Here was someone who was in great pain, and drinking constantly to try to hide from it. He also had depression and was drinking to hide from that too. The grip at which the spectre was holding the mans hand was so tight, that it was painful. This man remembered himself holding on for dear life ten years a go. He could not continue drinking the way he was drinking and live a meaningful life, let a lone live at all. All of a sudden the grip loosened, and the man remembered surrendering. So, as the man's consciousness came back into the present, it was just himself walking in the park. His life had improved immensely. He got on a train to get back to his chateau, and there was a young woman sitting across from him who was very drunk and in a lot of emotional pain. The man knew what that felt like. He saw himself from ten years a go through the eyes of this person. The pain in this persons eyes was unmistakable. The man had great compassion for this complete stranger who was in such pain. But at the same time, a great sense of gratitude came over him. He gained a new perspective on his life, and realized that he never had to feel pain in that way again.

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