Self pity is a waste of time. I sometimes indulge in this perverse form of grandiosity. It's thoughts. It ain't real. Doesn't matter what's happened or what the situation is because self pity doesn't solve the problem. Self pity blows up into anger and all sort of other shit you don't want. Self pity is self defeating and causes people to sell themselves short.
Self pity happens to me when I have too much time a lone with my thoughts. When thoughts get negative, turn them to the positive. I've been told this many times, and when I'm in self pity my first reaction is yeah right, sure, positive my ass. If you woke up today that's a reason to be positive. People might laugh when I say that, but there is no guarantee that I will wake up on any given day, or live to see tomorrow. Therefore, I ask, are the self defeating thoughts the last thoughts you want to ever have? Hopefully the answer to that is no. For example do I want to have resentments and anger towards stupid things?
Self pity has an effect not only on health and well being, but also effects relationships with others, job performance etc... I sometimes get into self pity and don't even realize I'm doing it. Then I wonder why I waisted that time. It sucks when that happens because it destroys the present moment. For example a friends trying to talk with you and you're thinking about all the shit you have to do, or who you're angry with. Then you get into self pity because you weren't present enough with your friend.
When I say all this I do not mean that someone shouldn't grieve if something happens to a family member or pet. Self pity is very different than that in my opinion. Self pity for me means sitting at home and getting negative in my head saying things like I'll never have a girl friend, I hate living in this place, I'm out of shape, this person doesn't like me, etc... Believe me, it is a total waste of energy.
Self pity is just a dangerous trap to fall into. I used to have a real problem with self pity. I still go into self pity mode. However, I can catch myself going into self pity quickly now because I am aware of it. People have things in their lives that they want to improve, or things which they could have handled differently. Self pity doesn't solve this problems. I'm talking about depression in this post. Depression is an issue that should be taken very seriously. I'm talking about self pity only.
The solutions to self pity are gratitude and action. Gratitude is important for the sake of keeping the proper perspective. I have a roof over my head, whereas most people in the world do not. I have a car, nearly nine years sobriety, friends, family, cool gigs, a great pet etc... That's gratitude in action.
There is also action in the literal sense. If my place is messy, I can clean the damn apartment. If my voice is tired I can rest. Although rest contradicts action I suppose. If I'm eating poorly, I can make a better choice and eat well. If I'm in self pity over my career, I can take action to improve that situation. If I don't get out enough, I can get my ass out that door. Get the ass out the door and the mind will follow.
Self pity is a poor choice for a state of mind. Again, I'm not referring to depression of any other genuine mental disorders. Self pity isn't a mental disorder in my opinion. It's a negative mind space that can be corrected by turning things into positive. There's always something to be grateful for. Start with the fact that you woke up today.