Giving up Control

It is astounding how we cannot control certain things which are going on around us no matter how hard we try.  The idea of giving up control is a really hard lesson to learn.   I was in traffic galore this morning on US 1.  It was un-bleeping believable.  I got all ticked off because I was late for something very important to me.  The powers that be were fucking me over, dammit!  I had to be there at 930 and left at 8 to go 18 miles.  It took me until 1015, and I was pissed as a lion.  Of course this kind of scenario is annoying, but I didn't successfully control it.  Throwing fits like a toddler in my car didn't work, nor did trying another road.   Trying another road got me lost for five minutes, and making a circle back onto route 1.  Then I started laughing, because I wasted time instead of making up time.      Anyway, my voice lesson was the best fifteen minute lesson I've ever had, because it was the first one I ever had.  I learned a lesson during it which helped my support, so awesome!  My shit fits didn't make the traffic move faster.  Not a big shocker there, right? It is a learned behavior for me to get peaved in traffic.  I hate traffic with a passion.  Anger releases  endorphins, but toxic ones.  I do not honestly know if toxic endorphins is the correct term, but I do know that anger releases endorphins.  These endorphins create a temporary energy, but don't you know it the problem doesn't go away.  Instead energy and precious time are wasted.    Thinking about what is good in my life, and in the world, and listening to good music would have been a better alternative to anger.  There still would have been traffic, but the time would have been used much more wisely.  Anger is ok, I am not saying its not.  I have made this point before, but it is worth driving it home again.  Anger is fine when used properly.  If someone steps on someone's toes, they can say I love you, but I don't like what you did.  Rabbi Abraham Twerski nails this point when he talks about parenting and says that when he did something bad his father would tell him that the act was beneath his dignity.  Having toddler fits in traffic is beneath my dignity, I know that much.  Now, thinking that is much better than beating myself up for wasting time, and yada yada yada.  This is because that was this morning, and that is the past.  Regretting the past is just bleh.   The present is now.  I can react differently right now.  I can't control other people, things, and situations.  I can only control how I react right now.