Why Is There Racism?

 I am disturbed that any type of racism still exists.  As a matter of fact it disgusts me.  Any acts that don't have love behind them disgust me.  I see these horrifying posts on Facebook about black people being beaten or killed. Why we have to have any violence is beyond me.  If someone understands why violence needs to exist, send me a fax or an email.
   This racism stuff has to go.  I just want to know how it ever got started in the first place.  I can't comprehend why some people are viewed as less human than others.  This goes strongly for men versus women too. There should be no versus in that sentence.  The word should be equal instead of versus.  It's hard being a woman.  I can't even imagine.  Men harassing you on the street and what not.  As a guy, I can walk from point A to point B safely without some dude harassing me.  Well most of the time.  I did get harassed by guys in Baltimore.  One of them said "nice ass."  Generally, that doesn't happen to me though.  I just hate violence and inequality.  If god made us, god didn't say that one gender or race is superior to the other.  If he did, let me know.  I didn't hear that anywhere.  I'm also not trying to start an argument with this post.  I just don't like when people are hurt physically, spiritually or mentally because of their race, gender or beliefs.
  Same deal with bullying.  What the fuck is that about?  Some kid is nice, so let's insult and taunt him or her verbally and electronically over the internet.  It might make them take their life.  It happens all the time.  Sometimes the teachers in schools are the bullies.  That really perplexes me.  There have been recordings of teachers bullying special needs children on the news.  Very disturbing, and furthermore, those teachers didn't even get fired.  I'd need shock therapy if I were the parent.  I guess this post is dark.  I didn't intend it that way when I started writing.  I don't know what if anything I can do about all this.  Bullying and racism really anger me greatly.
  Let's end this on a bright note.  Why not, love and nurture one another instead of being violent or hurtful?  We can live in a hostile world or a peaceful one.  Which one are we going to choose?  We can actually choose to be happy at any moment.  It's actually that simple.  If someone bullied or abused you, let them go.  The best revenge is letting toxic people go, and being healthy and prospering.

Great Historical Singers (Feodor Chaliapin)

Feodor Chaliapin was one of the most significant singers of the early twentieth century, and he is still as important today.  Chaliapin possessed a bass voice that speaks to people's hearts.  In addition, he had a very easy upper range with remarkable dynamic control.  Chaliapin is considered the Caruso of basses because of his popularity as a singer and actor.  Chaliapin's acting took opera acting to new levels, and seeing him on film is not to be missed.  Check out Don Quichotte (Don Quixote), and you will not be able to take your eyes off of him. Fortunately,  Chaliapin's art is well preserved on film and records.  There are so many recordings of Chaliapin that I love, that I can't pick a favorite.  One unique recording of his, is the song "The Blind Ploughman."  The passion in Chaliapin's singing is just remarkable.
   Chaliapin was a very tall man.  Possibly over 6 ft 6. I will be paying homage to this great artist and since I am slightly under 5'9, I will need some big time lifts or stilts.  If anyone has any please send them my way.  There will never be another Chaliapin.  There were other basses that were famous during Chaliapin's time that never achieved his fame because his acting ability and voice were so unique.  I cannot tell you how lucky we are to have footage of his acting skills in the film Don Quichotte.  He is Don Quixote plain and simple.  Since the film was done in Russian, French and English, Chaliapin does have a thick accent, but his acting ability makes you forget that.  Wayne Connor lent me that film when I was at Peabody and it blew me a way.  The sound track to that film includes the Don Quichotte songs by Jacque Ibert which were written for Chaliapin.  There was a contest for which composers songs would be used in the film.  I believe that Maurice Ravel's songs were not submitted on time, but I am not sure that is the reason why Jacques Ibert's songs won.  They are very effective songs, with a good Spanish flare.  They were written for Chaliapin, so they show off his unique ability to sing pianissimo high notes above the staff.
  Chaliapin was a very demanding artist.  According to the famous impresario who managed Chaliapin when he sang at the Metropolitan Opera Sol Hurok, Chaliapin was "a hell of a fellow in every way."  Chaliapin would call Hurok constantly and say he couldn't sing on a given day because he didn't feel well.  He would make him come over every couple of hours to check on him as a matter of fact.   A lot of great artists get nervous and are very particular about things, so Chaliapin wasn't necessarily unique in that way. That's just an interesting fact that I wanted to share.  Another one is that Chaliapin had a son, Feodor Chaliapin Junior who was an actor who starred in Moonstruck.  Chaliapin was also very good friends with composer Sergey Rachmaninov.  Chaliapin worked with Rachmaninov on musicianship, especially for his most famous role of Boris Godunov.  In addition, several songs by Rachmaninov are dedicated to Chaliapin, the most famous of those being "Fate", which is a tribute to Beethoven's five symphony of the same title.
   It is important to name some of the works that Feodor Chaliapin premiered.  He was famous for premiering Massenet's Don Quichotte.  He premiered the title character.  He also premiered Aleko in Aleko by Rachmaninov at the St. Petersburg premiere, not at the actual premiere.  He also premiered Ibert's Don Quichotte songs as I mentioned earlier.  Rachmaninov said the following about Chaliapin. "Chaliapin will never die; for with his fabulous talent, this marvelous artist can never be forgotten... To future generations Chaliapin will become a legend." - Sergey Rachmaninov

First post of 2015

I have some spare time on my hands at the moment, so I figured I would post.  It's been a long time since I've posted.  December was crazy busy, and now things are relaxing a bit.  I'm in a place where I am making health an important part of my life.  Even though 2015 has only just started, I have been eating well, exercising and caffeine and alcohol free and have not looked back.  I intend to stick with it, I'm not making it a resolution, but a way of life.  Life is too short not to.  I'm taking it days and moments at a time, not just making it a goal for the whole year.  Health is a number of things, mainly just taking care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually.  Actually that's pretty much the whole deal since a number of things wrap around those three things.  One of those things being allowing people who build me up into my life versus the opposite.  Toxic people have got to go.
   Artistically, things are a bit quiet right now.  I'm sure that will change.  Just have to stay positive and keep doing the work.  I am planning a homage recital to the late Russian bass Feodor Chaliapin during this year, so stay tuned for that.  I will talk about Chaliapin a bit, and sing songs he sang.  I like doing recitals since they make me feel artistically fufilled.  I am also planning a concert version of Lucia with some colleagues of mine, so stay tuned for that as well.  I'm just trying to let the pieces fall into place versus micromanaging the crap out of everything.  I'm planning some open mics with my songs and some covers.  I'm brushing up on the old guitar skills first.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that my students will be in a recital tomorrow night.  I'm very proud of their work.
  Enough about me.  Corny as this may sound, I'm hoping for less violence.  We are not off to a good start.  I'm referring to the events in Paris.  The obituaries of those who died made me very sad.  I'm sad for the families as well.  The people who died sounded like courageous and accomplished human beings.  I feel like violence just continues and it never stops.  I'll never understand why.  Musicians need to remember that we can help be an antidote to violence.  Leonard Bernstein basically said what I just said but more eloquently because he was brilliant.  When we are in nail biting rehearsals rehearsing a spot on the passagio a hundred times, it's good to remember that music is very peaceful for the soul.
  This blog feels random to me.  I was nicknamed random in eighth grade.  I wasn't a fan of that nickname.  The last point I'll make is to urge people just to be nice to each other.  Saying something nice to someone can have a tremendously positive impact.  The opposite is also true.  Be well everyone.  I'm going to hopefully blog more often this year.

All We Have is Now

Seems obvious right?  Why is this such a simple, yet complicated topic?  Honestly it is simple.  All we have is now and that is reality.  I'm all for making future plans or learning from the past.  However, don't waste energy on either the past or worrying about the future because all we have is now.
   I will be completely honest about why I just thought about writing this entry.  I are chipotle which is not good for me, then was shaking my head in disgust thinking well if I had kept exercising, I'd be fit by now.  Okay, maybe that's true, but fuck it, all I have is now.  I can accept that I am not fit and make a decision to change that now and go forward.  I should be fit really doesn't mean anything at this very moment.  I looked at myself in the mirror and said should, smoud, and said screw that all you have is now.  I know smoud isn't a word.  Oh well.
   It's never too late to change things right now.  I don't give a shit about being too old or this and that.  I admit to not being good about taking my advice on my accounts.  Hopefully I will this time, or better yet someone who reads this will be inspired by this.  I only say that because I hope this helps someone who's struggling.  I don't write these things for credit ever.
  So, let's go back to the concept of now for a moment.  Everything is fine right now.  I will sometimes complain about things I have to do in the future.  I worry about stuff and 99% of the worrying is bullshit.  So, I ask you if you're worrying, what is wrong with right now?  My only problem right now is that I ate too much at Chipotle in North Brunswick.  So, I'll eat healthy from here on out, I hope. Anyway, that's not a huge problem.  I am not making light of things people have to go through.  People go through many a rough time.  Just stay in the now and deal with it one step at a time.  I have a cat meowing at me, so I'll end this here.

The antidote to violence

This is a poem I am working on setting to music.  I'm a bit tired and over stressed with work, so I was thinking about how love conquers fear.  Very important stuff.

What's with all the violence in the world?  Shooting after shooting and constant hostility.  Every time I see the news I get sickened.  Where is the humility?  I ask you, why is there  so much anger and hate?  Why can't people just love one another?  It should be innate.  These are questions I ponder.

Wtf is going on in this crazy world?  So much bullying and insults being hurled.  wtf is bullying all about?  Bullies are people full of self doubt.  Insecure people being cowards.  People should send flowers.  Lots of unanswered questions as violence increases.  When we love one another it decreases.  So, let's send out love before the world falls to pieces.  Peace is the answer, and that comes from love.  Love is the better option when push comes to shove.
   Oh how violence disgusts me.
 Love, patience and tolerance are
key.  The stinking news is negative
shit, which puts my emotions in a bottomless pit.  Oh how they like to scare us with terrible things someone did.  Why not put positive things on the grid?  Negative shit keeps the violence going.  Sewing love is the antidote to violence, so let's keep growing.

Old Habits Die Hard

What does insanity mean?  Doing the same thing, while expecting different results.  So, the obvious here is to stop doing the old toxic habit.  The results of doing it are going to be the same, so then you think to yourself, why did I do that shit again?  I tend to worry about situations and anticipate the scenarios, which doesn't make any sense at all because they haven't happened yet. In addition, I'm wrong about how they'll turn out because anxiety blows stuff out of proportion.  Emotions and our brains are powerful combinations.  Old habits get ingrained and they're just damn hard to change.  I'll get nervous and worry about scenarios when I am fully aware that the worrying just wastes energy.  Besides, if I have a rehearsal or gig, all I can do is to prepare as best I can.  Of course I always feel like I'm not always prepared enough, so that doesn't help.  Dale Carnegie's advice about accepting the worst thing that could happen and moving on is much easier said then done.  I have adventurous thoughts for lack of a better word about what the worst thing can be.  It's a funny thing because there are times when I imagine a scenario going well and it works a lot better for me and the people around me in the situation.  How do you like that?  My default state is to be nervous and worry though.  What's the solution to that? Fake it till you make it? It can be baffling because all the anxiety never helps anything.
   Old habits that don't work need to be thrown out.  Accentuate the good and throw out the bad.  Again, easier said then done, right?  It feels like if should be easy though.  How do bad habits serve us?  They're familiar for one thing, they keep us in our comfort zone, and they're so stinking hard to break.  Whether they be addictions, food cravings, gambling or whatever, they are so damn hard to break.  Replacing the bad habits with good habits is the way to go.  Not an easy route to take.  It will be hard at first, but it's well worth it.  I need to try this myself on a lot of things.  I'm not the best at taking my own advice.  I feel funny giving advice at all on breaking habits.  I just know that when I have anxiety which is an old habit dying hard for me, I'm almost always wrong about the situations I'm playing out.

Post Bard Festival Blog Post

Long time no blog, so I will blog away now.  First off, what an amazing experience the Bard Festival was.  I shed some tears when I was driving home last night.  Leon Botstein runs one hell of a summer festival.  It's astounding how much he does for people as far as educating them and promoting culture.  Plus he provides employment to many artists in this country, and for that I am grateful.  The level of talent and love for the music is unique.  I am having serious withdrawal right now. The e flat mass by Schubert is one of the greatest masses.  It's amazing how he wrote so much in such a short life and most of its good.  What an experience and fine group of people.  I'm not an ass kisser, and don't say these things unless I mean them.
   So, what's next?  Of course there is the usual stuff.  Church job, high holidays gig etc...   However, there's obviously a lot more to life.  I'm making an effort to be more open with people.  I was proud of myself for being friendlier at Bard this year.  I even danced at the Spiegeltent, after initially telling my friend Roosevelt no about twenty times. In life we keep growing, we keep getting out of our comfort zones and breaking inhibitions.  Life keeps going and I plan to keep growing.  Strides have been made, but there is a lot of work to be done.  My next goal honestly is working on discarding some poor habits.  For example, I need to follow all the way through on things.  Not easy, but essential.  Discipline is not always my strong point, so I plan to work on that.
   What else can I say here?  Being home for the first day from Bard was a bit unsettling.  It feels a bit lonely at the moment.  Accept for having my kitty back.  Yes I'm a softie at heart.  It was cool being around fellow artists and so many of them.  It's also astounding how many artists were employed this summer.  There are countries where fifteen dollars is a lot of money, and we were all employed this summer and doing what we love.  Anyway, I think I veered off topic a bit.  I'm in Bard withdrawal, and sort of feel like, what's next?  I guess more will be revealed.   When we go away for a while and then come home, there's an adjustment to be made.  I'm currently in the mode.  More later.  Love to all.