New Blog Post

Life is great as long as I allow it to be that way.  The spirit of the universe or whatever you want to call it wants everybody to have a good life I assume.  Although, a lot of bad things happen to good people, so maybe I'm not making any sense.  I do know that if I am angry, bitter, negative, and stubborn, my life can seem like it sucks really fast.  I say, can seems like it sucks, because its my perception that determines how my life is.  I think even when bad things are happening to people, tragedies, illnesses, etc..., there is a finish line in sight.  If I want to have a full and rich life, I have to ask myself, am I being kind to myself and others, am I trusting the universe, treating women with dignity and respect, loving what I do?  Am I experiencing life in general, or am I pissed about the past, angry, bitter, negative, eating poorly and what not?  It's all about choosing how I perceive my life.    How I perceive my life results in how I live it, and that's determined by negative or positive behaviors, resulting from my thinking.

    Here's a really clear example of negative versus positive behaviors.  If someone I know has a girlfriend, and I'm pissed that she's not my girlfriend, or if I am happy for the couple, or best yet not even cut into their business in my concioussness.  The first behavior I mentioned, which is jealousy, not only hurts me, but it hurts them too.  Whereas, thinking positive thoughts about them, and staying out of their business helps them and myself.  These are choices.  Now, this has nothing to do with whether I think they belong together.  That's not my concern.  It's for them to figure out themselves.  Guess what, I have no control over whether a couple is together or not, even if I think the woman should be with me.  

  

   I am talking about all this because when I partake in negative behaviors and thinking, my life stinks.  Negativity causes many problems.  It causes health problems, relationship problems, poor decisions, plus it wastes the short time we have in life.  Why does my chronic Lyme disease act up sometimes?  It's because I'm pissed off or in a self pity state.  I am doing good things today like writing this blog post, and I feel pretty solid and refreshed.  My thoughts are pretty centered too.  I'm talking about negativity which isn't necessary, like being jealous, pissed off, projecting negative results, playing out future and past scenarios, trying to get even.  Where's the present with all that shit?  Well it's now, but I'm not living in it.  The present is fine.  Learn from the past, that's the whole point of this blog, but why regret it?  It's too late, time machines are in Back to the Future, and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, not in real life.   I'll end by saying, that if I am in a negative mind set full of rage and what not, I feel like shit, and vice versa.  The end.

    

Complaints and Grievances about Driving

     I drive too much, although I am fully aware that driving is a huge privilege. There's just one problem. The other drivers!  How the fuck do some of them get licenses?  Part of the reason I am asking this is because a car is a vehicle, not a weapon.  You can't win on route sucks, I mean route 1.  Either someone is going super slow admiring the Hess station on the left or wants to have a hybrid of their car and my car.  After all, the scenery must look like the fucking Rocky Mountains, right?  Then there's route mental hospital, I mean 18.  I am driving on there earlier waiting in the obscene traffic jam, and people have the audacity to cut in line.  I'm in the right lane, and people drive on the shoulder and cut in front of people.  It gets them one car ahead of that person. Ah, hah, hah! 

     I'm venting because the other drivers get to me.  Also, I am being comical.  I'm also just perplexed at why people use cars as weapons or ways of bullying.  Cars are machines that weigh several tons.  If someone cuts me off on the right when the lane is merging, does it ever occur to them that one of us or both of us could be killed?  The amount of time they save is less time then a person going to the bathroom.  The alerts on the signs should say, "watch out for the other drivers." This includes me sometimes.  I don't claim to be a gift to driving.  I just want people to be safe.  Other drivers had the patience of rapid animals sometimes.  I hear enough fucking honking outside of my building for a composer to write a new symphony.  Some would jump at that idea in half a minute, so maybe I shouldn't publish this posting.  

     Last but not least there are the trucks.  I'm surprised I'm not still driving behind one since they go from 0-60 in 50 years.  They slow traffic down all the time, and some of them drive like maniacs.  This ain't fucking NASCAR, okay?  Last thing I need is some truck tailing my ass.  This is humor, I am not trying to offend truck drivers.  Most truck drivers are doing their jobs very responsibly I'm sure.  However, some do drive like maniacs and think they are racing a car.  

    In writing something like this my intention is to get a point across, and do it with humor.  This is comedy, and there are elements of truth in it.  Although, I won't lie to you, some drivers piss me off!  For example if its a 50 zone, why go 35??  Drives me crazy.  Excuse the pun, couldn't help it.  Reverse tickets should be part of the deal.  If a driver is driving at a speed a person can bike at, it defeats the purpose of a car.  Pull their asses over and tell them to ride their bikes or hit some sort of pedal.  This blog post is finished.  I'm outta here.

If You Are Being Bullied, Reach Out

In this blog entry I want to talk about bullying again.  First of all, if you are reading this and tend to bully people, please stop.  It really scars people for a long time.  I am talking about cruel teasing and harassment, versus the simple I'm jez, playin wit chu stuff that goes on which is harmless.  I am not writing this to complain or ask for any sympathy.  I am hoping that what I have to say might benefit those who are getting bullied at school or work.  Those are the main two areas where people get bullied.  Oh yes, there's parents too, who bully their kids.  Wonderful, terrific.  

  Bullies are insecure.  I have bullied a couple times in my life regretfully, and I felt insecure or was afraid of getting bullied myself every single time took part in bullying.  However, I could stop when the victim started to get upset or cry.  I could not go through with it.  I made a friend cry at a camp a number of year a go, and I felt terrible.  I was trying to impress some girls.  It doesn't work that way.  Often bullies do not stop at that line.  The line, where it is enough and the victim, who is a human being by the way is really getting very upset.  When that line is crossed, get help immediately.  If the school doesn't care, get counseling. Also, hang out with friends you have things in common with.  If not in school, find an activity you like.  

   Suicide is becoming a more and more common theme with bullying.  Remember that suicide is an all or nothing choice.  Once you make that choice, you're done.  Reach out instead.  The president himself was making that suggestion.  Of course there are cases where bullying victims have been beaten and died from their wounds.  If beatings are happening, change schools, call the police.  Just simply get help.  Fuck the consequences.  Getting help is your best chance.  Now, there are instances where parents tell the school, and they don't do anything.  Why are they working at a school, then?  A school is a place for learning, and not bullying.  This especially includes the teachers.  Coaches actually call student losers.  Then if the parents over hear it they get nice again.  Listen, abusive coaches and teachers, you are not fooling anyone.  

  So, to quickly review.  Bullies, cut the crap.  Get help, and figure out why you are bullying.  For those bullies who apologize, I applaud you.  Victims of bullying, please get help before you hurt yourself, or kill yourself.  

Talk up to people, not down

     I have been drawing a blank on what to blog about lately.  So, I am siting in the dark watching my tuxedo cat sleep on my dresser.  She has grown to love that spot.  So much so, that I actually had to clean some of it off for a change.  This cat is certainly a music fan.  She finds it very peaceful.  I was playing songs by Charles Ives earlier, and her ears perked up.  I know that's a good thing because if she doesn't like something she runs away.  A lot of famous composers had cats such as Vaughan Williams and Stravinsky.  My cat is cool, and I can always count on her for the early morning wake up calls I don't want. This is so far a post about nothing.  I guess the purpose is to put my thoughts toward something other than myself.

    I would like to address one thing in this post, and it's my opinion, so take it or leave it.  If I think I can control someone or run their life, I am setting myself up for a disappointment.  People's lives are their lives for a reason.  Now, say I am a parent and my kid is just screwing around and slacking off.  I can point that out and say, hey, you are capable of a lot more, go out and go for your dreams. However, I cannot control the situation.  It seems like a lot of people think they can run people's lives.  They know what you should do.  Sometimes people tell me I should do this and that, and the advice makes no sense, and I didn't ask for the advice.  I realize that the other person may be coming from a loving place, but there is a way of doing it that can be effective.  If I am telling someone they should do whatever like a know it all, that's just arrogant, not helpful or encouraging.  I guess condescending is the word.  I'll be damned if I think I know what other people should do.

   I am a bit annoyed because I get a lot of unsolicited advice, and have been lately.  It makes me feel like I'm not good enough, or I am not being accepted for who I am.  Here's the deal.  There is no need to be arrogant or condescending, or tell people what they need to do.  What a bunch of garbage.  I put people like that out of my life.  They're not building me up, they are shooting me down.  Do not shoot people down or talk down to them.  No one is less than any one else.  People have their own destiny, so who am I to mess around with it.  Do not give advice, especially if it is not relevant.  Suggestions are cool.  I am talking about demands and know it all crap.  Believe in yourself and go after your dreams.

     

Finally A New Blog Post

Where did the month of April go?  Wow, that sure went fast.  Spring is in the air, and it's my favorite time of the year.  The weather right now is about perfect.  I have some good things going on lately such as the wonderful concert of "Song of Norway" I was in tonight, and a recital May 17th at Christ Church in New Brunswick.  It's at 7 pm, and admission is free.  After the recital, I am going to learn some Russian repertoire, and what not.  I always like to learn new music, but sometimes jump into it too quickly.  My blog posts have been a bit sporadic lately, so I am writing this to get back into it.

   I think it's cool that Jason Collins came out and risked his NBA career to do so.  There's a lot of discrimination about those kinds of things.  People started criticizing him for it, saying it was a sin.  They can have their opinions, but their opinions suck. My question to them is, why are they judging Collins?  I think Collins showed a lot of strength and courage for doing what he did.  The analysts who criticized Collins can go shove it.

  Also, what is with all this violence?  Shootings are constantly on the news.  Why is that?  It seems that it is contagious, doesn't it?  It's a damn shame.  Kind acts should be contagious, not violent ones.  Kind acts go a long way.  All you have to do is compliment someone's sweater and it goes a long way.   

  I am also tired of bullying.  A 12 year old boy went into a coma because he was bullied.  He ending up dying.  It's unbelievable.  What the hell for?  So this is for all you bullies out there.  Cut the crap and realize how much you are hurting people.  I have witnessed bullying several times in the last few weeks.  Words have a really powerful impact.  I would say that verbal bullying is even worse than physical in a way.  Words stick for longer.

   Anyway, I wrote this post from my heart.  I didn't really think about it.  It seems that violent and unkind acts continue to happen, when it should be the opposite.  No one should be bullied first and foremost, and most of all, no one should kill themselves over bullying.  Bullying victims are effected for the rest of their life over some stupidity.  Just because someone is not good at sports does not make them less than.  It seems like bullying is getting worse, and not better.  A lot of the teaches in schools do it themselves.  I'm sure many of them step in, but a lot of teachers don't.  And, where did the term nerd come from?  I've regretfully used it myself. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, or make this post sound negative.  I actually mean the opposite.  I think people are good.  Bullying just stems from insecurity.  I've bullied fewer times than I can count on one finger.  I was feeling afraid and insecure every single one of those times.  I feel really bad for people who bully and have no remorse.  Well, anyhow, I guess this is a blog post about nothing like Seinfeld, which ended up mainly focusing on bullying.  Bullying is a difficult problem to solve for sure.  Doing kind acts is the only solution I can think of, since our actions and thoughts have a powerful impact.

Humility

     I've been trying to come up with something to blog about, and I am blanking.  I want to bitch and moan about the weather.  It was in the 50s last week, now it's perfect out if you're a furry gnu.  However, bitching about the weather doesn't help anyone else very much, so no need to bitch about this confused weather.  March madness has to do with weather too.

   I want to talk about humility in this posting.  I set standards for myself which are too high, and I also judge myself way too harshly.  I'm a lousy judge when it comes to myself.  I tend to do that a lot when I am singing.  It's not humble to do that unless it is constructive.  Humility to me means that I accept who I am and what I am, treat myself and others with dignity and respect, and do whatever job I do professionally and graciously.  I like the definition of humility which states that  humility is the act of being humble.  That helps a lot doesn't it?  It's the act of being teachable in my opinion.  I need to listen to people and not go on the defensive.  It's hard for me sometimes to do that, but its humble if I am open and receptive. 

  I'll use singing as an example.  Although humility applies to everything, my craft is one area where I really need to remain teachable.  Guess what, it makes the coach of my teachers and coaches a lot easier.  I was told constructively, and I repeat constructively that my e vowel was a bit in the throat.  How do I get it out of the throat?  I listen for guidance on how to solve the problem, and work on it.  That's the humble approach.  The not humble approach is getting pissed off and frustrated and judging myself for the problem.   I did that in a recent lesson.  That wastes time, and the problem remains, and possibly gets worse.   Humility in a situation like that is accepting there is a problem, and listening to suggestions on how to solve it.  I would underline the word accepting.  Problem is not even the right word for this situation.  Thing to work on, or improve on sounds more positive in this case.  

     If I am not being humble, the ego is the winner.  However, lets keep in mind that the ego is two fold.   With the ego comes stubbornness, arrogance, sloth, anger, self pity.  I'm not talking about self confidence at all here, because self confidence is actually humble.  I'll go back to the singing example for a moment.  If I think that I sing well already, but need to keep working to get better and better, that is a humble attitude.  It means, okay, what can I do to work on my e vowel.  Versus, oh my e vowel is still in the throat at my age?  I'm bad, I can't even sing the e vowel properly.  That is the ego, not humility at all.  Humility is not thinking you suck at things, it is accepting things and working on them in a constructive manner.  

  Humility is a state of being, and not a matter of talking about it.  It's a matter of listening and being teachable.  It's a deflation of ego in a constructive way which helps a person grow.  If someone deflates an ego, they do so with constructive criticism, sometimes with a strong delivery when needed, but always with love and helpfulness in mind. As I am writing this, I'm thinking who am I to say how criticism should be delivered?  I am making a distinction between someone who is helpful versus toxic.  Now, if someone is intending to be helpful, it is my job as the person being right sized to listen and learn.  I like this topic, and learning humility is a life time process for me, so I will end this blog at this point.  

Taking Risks

I have not written a blog since January, because it has been a long and busy winter.  Winter is always a a bit rough for me mentally and physically.  However, some good things happened such as playing a small role with Opera Philadelphia, in which I got to yell "merde" on stage.  Also, I got to be a part of New York Virtuoso Singers twenty fifth anniversary project in which twenty five total choral works premiered on stage and in the recording studio.  I got to see two operas at the Met.  A "Parsifal" with stunning singing and playing, and a "Don Carlo" which didn't do it for me.  

     The most famous tenor in opera right now, Jonas Kaufmann was unreal as Parsifal.   It is incredible to watch him be so committed to each role he sings.  Kaufmann sings Wagner without yelling, and also has a large variety of colors vocally and physically.  So, what makes this guy so great?

   First of all, he is incredibly gifted.  The powers from above gave him an incredible risk.  Second, and most importantly, he has the courage to take risks.  Risk taking is important, and both success and failure are inevitable in risk taking.  Sometimes when someone as great as Kaufmann takes a risk it doesn't work out.  I've witnessed that personally in the theatre, but I still admired the fact that he took the risk. 

   Better to take risks then not to take risks.  Easier said then done, right?  This idea of taking risks goes for a number of things.  Comfort zone doesn't work, I'm sorry to say.  It is temporary comfort, then it becomes unsatisfying really quickly.  At least this is the case for me.  So, I am going to put myself out there and take more risks.  Some of them are going to work,  some of them are going to fail.  This is the way it goes no matter who you are or how famous you are.

   Anyway, I have really missed writing blogs, because I had kind of lost my touch for a 

while.   Remember to keep breathing, and do not chase negative thoughts, because they are not real.  When I say that, I am talking about thoughts that shoot down the higher self.  Self degrading thoughts, that keep me from growing.  Have a good night everyone.