Happy 2018!

     Happy New Year to everyone!  Throw out the bad and bring in the good for 2018!  This is a new start and it’s critically important for me to be positive and do my damn best to keep it that way.

    I have the tendency to start off a New Year really well, but I don’t tend to finish them well.  So, how do I change that?  By not giving up.  I can get into self pity like nobody’s business when things don’t go my way.  It happened to me last week.  Yuck and fuck that.  Giving up is automatic failure.  Period.  Also, giving up and acting like a three year old is very negative and unattractive.  There are times when I get down on myself and act like a baby.  Baby’s can’t grow beards, so being a better man is a better option. 

   So, can I be a different cat in 2018?  Yes, I can do that anytime.  The word can’t is bullshit by the way unless I say I can get a game off Roger Federer in tennis, in which case I would just duck because I can’t.  Can I get better at my craft, be a better version of Nick, change myself, get in better shape and ya da ya da?  You bet your ass!  Those goals are realistic and achievable!

   If I set goals and even accomplish some of them, that’s pretty good!  Am I going to be perfect?  Hell no!  Am I going to stop caring what others think?  No freaking way!  Can I improve on something like caring what other people think and be aware of it?  Yes! I am fully aware that it does not matter what others think, but my mind fucks with me and tells me otherwise.  Am I going to stop criticizing myself and others entirely?  No!  Can I improve on self criticism and criticizing others?  Hell yeah!  Can I improve myself?  Absofreakinglutely!  

  I like to keep New Years resolutions realistic for myself.  Am I going to fail?  Yes!  How can I learn if I don’t fail?  Making an effort to change is huge.  Did I run away from certain things in 2017?  Yes!  Can I improve on those things in 2018?  The answer is yes!  I’m already making a start on that by cutting caffeine down and eating better.  

  What point am I trying to make?  The big point is if you have a setback with your goals for 2018, don’t give up!  Giving up=sucking! Having grit=awesome!  Let’s keep fighting the good fight!

Watching Out for Self Pity

    I haven’t written one of these blogs posts in ages.  However, since I got into big time self pity over the past few days, I figured it was worth writing something.  I am going to keep this brief because I do not like to make excuses.  What happened was that I got into a super negative rut over my professional life, still being single, and basically everything that is wrong with my life whether real or fancied.  It’s totally cool to feel anger, frustration and the like, but the key is to get your ass out of the house and do something if the thoughts really start to get bad.  When my thoughts really get out of control, things get blown out of proportion.  The mind can be our best friend or kick our asses depending on how we choose to think.  For me, my mind can get so out of control that I just have to stop what I’m doing and get out and do something.  If you don’t want to get out of the house, do it anyway. I got into a huge funk, and I made myself go to Princeton and visit friends and family.  I feel a lot better because I chose not to isolate.  

New Post

It sure has been a long time since I've posted anything on this blog.  I vowed at the beginning of 2016 to post more frequently.  However the year has gotten away from me a bit I'm afraid.  I feel like the word resolution should be replaced with the phrase good habits.  You can do that at any time. Anyway, I mainly just wanted so share some upcoming events that I will be involved in.

November 19, 2016: Thoreau Ensemble concert at Christ Church in New Brunswick.  With Sarah Hawkey, soprano, Martin Neron, piano and Patrick Durek, guitar. 

November 26, 2016: Opera Project Concert.  I'm excited to be singing the all bass duet from

Don Carlo with Steven Brown.

December 4, 2016: Advent concert at Marble Collegiate Church

December 18-19, 2016: Many Sounds of Christmas with the Salvatones 

December 24, 2016: Xmas eve at Marble which will be broadcasted in Marble vision

January 28, 2017: Liederabend at the National Opera Center with Sarah Hawkey, soprano, Abigail Wright, mezzo-soprano, Chad Kranak, tenor, Jose Pietri-Coimbre, baritone and Martin Neron, piano

March 9-19: I will be touring Spain with the Wagner College choir. 

Recital and Other Stuff

I haven't been keeping up with my blogging.  I've been busy and also short on topics.  Therefore, I am going to start with shameless self promotion.  I am putting on a recital on Feb 26 at Christ and St. Stephen's church in NY at 8 pm.  8 pm, because I ain't singing at 8 am.  I will be joined by soprano Sarah Hawkey and pianist Martin Neron.  It's all American songs by Barber, Bernstein, Speaks, Dello Joio, Edwards, Roy, Bolcom and more.  It will be a fun evening and I promise to be funny.  Sarah is fantastic, and I am happy to have her on the concert.
   What else?  The voice studio is growing a bit.  I learned the other day that one my students is an auditory learner.  When I sang various phrases to her it helped her a lot.  When I just played the notes on the piano that didn't work as well.  I was losing my patients a bit, then after a while realized that I was learning from teaching her.  I think teaching helps the teacher more than the student sometimes.  This applies to everything.
  This is random, but I am proud of the fact that I have quite drinking caffeine, and have stayed off it for 30 days now.  It's been difficult at times especially on Sunday mornings when I have church.  However, it's been well worth it, because I feel calmer, my voice is stronger and more clear, my thinking is more rational, and I feel more healthy overall, so if was a good choice.  I'm reaching the point where I am not thinking about caffeine so much.  I mention all this because when I am on caffeine I'm hopped up, quick to anger and my attitude is much more negative.  In order to work on improving myself, concentrating better and most of all my attitude, I can't have a substance hopping me up.
   So, I guess what I was going for in this blog is self improvement, promoting my recital, and learning from teaching.  To apply the whole attitude thing I just mentioned, I can either think oh fuck I have to teach a lesson, or I can think about what I can bring to the lesson and what I can learn from teaching the lesson.  My attitude is always a choice.
 

The Present Moment

    I hope everyone has stayed safe during Jonas 2016.  It's been a good experience for me to relax and work on recital memorization and what not.  I'm going to do another round of recital prep a bit later.  I initially thought that there would be no way I could memorize the recital.  However, good progress is being made.  That being said as I prep for the recital, I am trying to stay as locked into the present moment as I can.  Present being this moment, not the past or the future.  The recital is not until February 26, so there is no point in getting nervous about it now.  When my mind wonders while I'm going over words I need to remember that all I am doing in that moment is going over the words.  When I am driving, all I am doing is driving.
      Thich Nhat Hanh's saying "present moment wonderful moment" is the absolute truth, because the present moment is all that is actually reality right now.  If I worry about what the audience might say or do, worry about my voice cracking, memory slips and what not then I will not learn the recital.  The present moment is absolutely not just about my recital prep of course.  In this moment I am sober, I am health and I have a roof over my head.  The present moment is literally me typing this right now.  Nothing else is happening in this moment.  Things that people said to me don't matter.  Potentially stressful situations coming up don't matter either.  I can do something about my future and learn from the past in this very moment.  I was driving earlier and finally took notice of how beautiful the snow looked.  I was present.  Any situation is easier when I am present.  If I worry about upcoming things that stems from old behavior and I will drive myself nuts.
    I'm not saying that the present moment is always fine.  It's not because life happens.  My point in writing this post is that the present has nothing to do with worrying about bullshit.  It's the little things that get us worried, like worrying what someone thinks of me when they're are neither thinking of me or here right now.  Also self pity in the present is absolutely pointless and a total waste.  Self pity will only make you piss on the present.  I'm trying to be more conscious of my breathing in this moment right now so I can stay present while writing this entry.  There are things in my life that I would like to change and improve.  If I'm in self pity, worrying and not present the change will never happen.
    Being present as much as possible before something like a recital or sporting event is critically important.  If I am not at my recital now then the present has nothing to do with my recital.  When it actually happens I want to he in the zone.  The zone is usually a term in sports when an athlete can't miss.  If anyone watched Roger Federer play this morning at the Australian Open, he was completely in the zone.  His face and demeanor said confidence and it was unmistakable.  Was he thinking about future matches or past matches?  Absolutely not.  I do not know him personally, but his demeanor showed a man on a mission who was locked into the moment.  Michael Jordan used to have these kind of zone moments, so did Tiger Woods.  Jordan's shot which won the 1998 world championship for the Chicago Bulls is an awesome example of being in the zone.  It was as if time stood still.  Lebron James, Serena Williams, Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic have the kind of moments too.  To represent the difference between the mind being present and not present is easy.  I will give you an example.  I saw Serena Williams play in the second round of the US Open this past summer.  She was not present like when she is in the zone.  Her body language and demeanor made that obvious. I am not criticizing her right now, so do not take it that way.  I've been watching her play for 17 years, and when she's in the zone she is absolutely unstoppable.  Most of all she has the I am in the zone look like Roger Federer had today.
     Artists need to be in the zone just like athletes do.  It's hard to have concentration for long periods of time, so it's critically important to keep working on it.  I know that for myself I can lose my concentration really easily.  I usually find myself completely exhausted after a performance because I am trying so hard to concentrate.  It's wise to get into a zone before the performance.  It's a matter of taking time to get quiet and block out the chatter monkeys in my head.  Those monkeys can swing on those bars a lot can't they?  They can't be there during a performance though.  If they start to come during a performance think about your breathing and go back to that.  The breath is everything especially for us singers.  The concentration has to be centered in the breath because if we stop our breath on a note we are going to have problems.  Nervous energy is all good, but it needs to be nervous energy in the zone which will help our performance instead of hurting it.  Everyone gets an attack of nerves sometimes because perfection is impossible.  The greatest artists and athletes sometimes chock under pressure and that's okay.  The more we are focused on the present moment the better off we will be though.  If we lose our concentration during a performance we can get right back into that zone if we tap into it.

Songs My Mother Taught Me

     It's important to pay homage to those we love. Adolf Heyduk's poem entitled "Songs My Mother Taught Me" does just that. This poem has been set to music by both Anton Dvorak and Charles Ives. Martin and I will be performing the Ives version on 2/26 at Christ and St. Stephens church in Manhattan. Since the Dvorak is for a high voice, you do not want to hear me sing it. The Ives version is not well known like the Dvorak and deserves more performances because it is very expressive and tender. We are happy to be performing it on our upcoming recital. It's a very moving song paying tributes to mothers.  

     The Dvorak setting of this song is in the original Czech, the Ives is translated into English as would be expected.  The translation is by Natalie Macfarren.  The settings could not be more different.  The Dvorak is a folk song, the Ives is in A, B, A form., and the melodies are completely different.  The difference in the Ives is that you can hear traces of sadness and happiness in it, whereas the Dvorak is very happy through out and you could dance to it.  I won't dance during the recital so don't worry.  Aside from the version for voice and piano by Ives, he also wrote it for chamber ensemble and retitled the song "An Old Song Deranged."  According to Ives biographer Stuart Feder the title implies that Ive's mother Mollie had dementia, but there is no proof  of that.  I do know that this song is very beautiful and worth knowing as a contrast to Dvorak's setting.    Here is the poem and the song. 

Songs my mother taught me, In the days long vanished;
Seldom from her eyelids were the teardrops banished.
Now I teach my children, each melodious measure.
Oft the tears are flowing, oft they flow from my memory's treasure.



http://youtu.be/suol2mCvw0Q

Richard Cory

   
    Another theme on the recital which Martin and I will be performing February 26 is not comparing your insides to other peoples outsides.  It's best not to compare your insides to someone's outsides because a lot of people are acting on the outside.  People look great on the outside.  They have a good job, they've lost weight they are successful, etc... However, I think it's what's going on inside that counts.  I personally am constantly working on my insides which can be very painful, but it's essential for me.  I have known of several people who looked good on the outside and actually committed suicide.  They were able to fool people who weren't close to them like the character in the song I am about to talk about.
   The song "Richard Cory" by John Duke, based on Edwin Arlington Robinson's poem, which Martin and I will be performing is about this very idea of someone looking great on the outside but being a mess on the inside.  Richard Cory is putting on an act for people.  He has an unmistakable charm to him.  However, he is suffering on the inside because he shoots himself in the head at the end of the poem.  Duke ends the song with a clash to show the shock of Mr. Cory's demise.  This poem totally applies to real life.  People who seem to have their life together commit suicide because they feel terrible on the inside.
   There is also the fact that Richard Cory might have been mentally ill but not appeared  that way when he was out on the town.  Suicide is not something I understand.  I assume that people who kill themselves don't think they have any other choice in that moment.  I'm not qualified to make that assessment.  The moral of this story for me is to not compare my insides to other peoples outsides.
   Another theory I had before I found out the year the poem was written was that this might have had to do with the Great Depression.  It does not though because the poem was published in the 1890s and the song was published in 1948.  Since Duke lived during the Great Depression he might have had that in mind when he set this poem.
   If you want to listen to "Richard Cory", Donald Gramm also recorded this song.  The three Duke settings of Robinson's poems are "Richard Cory", "Luke Havergall", and "Miniver Cheevy."  Martin and I will be performing "Richard Cory" and "Miniver Cheevy" as the first set for our recital.   Here is the poem.

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,

We people on the pavement looked at him:

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,

Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,

And he was always human when he talked;

But still he fluttered pulses when he said,

"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—

And admirably schooled in every grace:

In fine, we thought that he was everything

To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,

And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,

Went home and put a bullet through his head.

Longing For Different Time Periods

    Wouldn't it be cool to live in different time periods?  Not that there is anything wrong with now.  Well actually there is quite a bit wrong with now, but it's worth accepting that.  However, I think we all have that longing to live in the past, or way back in time in periods such as medieval times.  I am performing a recital of American songs with pianist Martin Neron on February 26 at Christ and St. Stephens in Manhattan, and one of the main themes in the recital is this theme of longing for time periods other than the present.
  There's a poem called "Miniver Cheevy" by Edwin Arlington Robinson which is set to music by John Duke which deals with this very subject of wanting to live in different time period other than the present.  The poem is a narration about a guy longing for the past, especially the  Middle Ages.  He wants to be a knight, war hero and the like, yet he is a homeless drunkard in his present circumstances.
    John Duke set this narration in variation form musically, and it is a brilliant setting.  In variation form musical material is repeated between each movement , but it is altered in rhythm, pitch, harmony etc...  In the poem Mr. Cheevy is lamenting the fact that he is living in this time period, and also getting excited about living in different time periods.  For example Miniver loves the Medici and gets really pumped up about that.  However, he curses the common place and hates khaki suits.  It says all this in the poem which I will post below.  I am discussing this because I am pointing out how John Duke sets the poem.  Mr. Duke also wrote an epilogue of Miniver Cheevy letting out drunken sighs which is not in the original poem.
     Check out the poem, and listen to the song.  Donald Gramm has an excellent recordings of the song both live and in the studio.  Mr. Duke himself was in the audience during the live performance.  Here's the poem.




Miniver Cheevy, child of scorn,
   Grew lean while he assailed the seasons;
He wept that he was ever born,
   And he had reasons.

Miniver loved the days of old
   When swords were bright and steeds were prancing;
The vision of a warrior bold
   Would set him dancing.

Miniver sighed for what was not,
   And dreamed, and rested from his labors;
He dreamed of Thebes and Camelot,
   And Priam’s neighbors.

Miniver mourned the ripe renown
   That made so many a name so fragrant;
He mourned Romance, now on the town,
   And Art, a vagrant.

Miniver loved the Medici,
   Albeit he had never seen one;
He would have sinned incessantly
   Could he have been one.

Miniver cursed the commonplace
   And eyed a khaki suit with loathing;
He missed the mediæval grace
   Of iron clothing.

Miniver scorned the gold he sought,
   But sore annoyed was he without it;
Miniver thought, and thought, and thought,
   And thought about it.

Miniver Cheevy, born too late,
   Scratched his head and kept on thinking;
Miniver coughed, and called it fate,
   And kept on drinking.

There's Light At The End Of The Tunnel

This is a poem I wrote recently.  If you are going through tough times they will pass.

We all have tough times
We can't escape that
Life on life's terms
But the sun always shines

There's light at the end of the tunnel.
There's light at the end of the tunnel

Friends come and go
We lose the ones we love
Things don't go our way
But the sun always shines

There's light at the end of the tunnel
There's light at the end of the tunnel

It seems like we're down and out
We quickly lose hope
We fall into despair
But the sun always shines

There's light at the end of the tunnel
There's light at the end of the tunnel

We all have to feel
Feelings can hurt
There's no escape from that
But the sun always shines

There's light at the end of the tunnel
There's a light at the end of the tunnel

I hope this message helps
Things will look up again
Have faith in yourself
The sun always shines

There's light at the end of the tunnel
There's light at the end of the tunnel

Love Always Beats Hate

This morning kind of sucked with the caffeine withdrawal.  Like I said, I know people will think I'm nuts for quitting caffeine, but I quit for good reasons. I am writing to motivate myself to keep at it, because this morning I nearly faltered.  I know that the benefits will be good as time goes a long.  Just need to hang in there and give it time.  If you are trying to break a habit, keep at it because you will benefit in the end.  Since you only live once, why not live in the best way you can?

  Not much went on today for me.  Honestly this no caffeine thing has been knocking me out since I am new to it for the tenth time.  I've quit caffeine more times than I can count, so hopefully this will be the last time.  Enough about that.  

     I want to mention something that a friend I sing with said always choose love in his Facebook status.  That is absolutely right.  Simply because choosing anger and hate never works.  If you're angry at someone and you don't tell them that's resentment.  You're just carrying shit around and it's hurting you, not them.  What's the point of that?  It's incredibly toxic and will make you seriously miserable.  I have resented people who are not worth one second of my time.  The only way to free yourself of such people is to love them.  You don't have to like them, because that is a different thing.  However, ultimately, we are all human beings who have a right to live our lives freely, and we all deserve to be loved.

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

Ann Landers

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/annlanders143025.html#pWFVmrFHv7sf2Pj8.99

Life is Good

I'm on a train going in slow motion, so I figured I would write something. This train makes so many stops, I'm not sure if civilization is beginning or ending.  Although as I wrote that we started to move, so I won't push my luck.
  Today was a good day.  As the year begins I am feeling more and more at peace.  I went to a great opera with a fantastic friend last night, and went to a fun party today graciously hosted by Salvatore Diana and Daniel Brondel on the upper west side.  What a view from their apartment. That view represents all of life's possibilities.  I looked out the window and could see for miles.  Of course we were inside this time instead of outside like last June.  We would be freezing our nuts off otherwise.  This weather is perfect if you're a fucking moose or something.  If you're a furry animal then it's a fucking festival.  A little comedy for a cold night.
    I had no ending to that last part, so I figured I would move on to the next part.  I enter this year feeling a bit uncertain about what the next chapter is in my life.  I am sure a lot of people feel the same way.  That being said, things have a way of working themselves out.  I'm not sure how, but they do.  When in doubt listen to your heart and answers will come.  Do not let people dominate you or micromanage you.  There are always choices and the best choice is listening to what's inside.  I find that always works best for me.  If something feels right there's a decent chance it is right.  If it feels wrong, boy is it wrong.  I am talking about going with your heart here, not your head.  I always feel a million times better when I do the right thing.
     I'm writing today and updating this.  The first part is from the other night.  I have decided to quit caffeine for hopefully the last time.   I feel like a zombie right now, but I know this is a good decision for my physical and mental health.  It's always good to take care of yourself.  My head is clearer when I am free of everything that negatively effects my mood.  I eat better and also am ultimately a better colleague and friend.  It is also easier to make life decisions with a clear mind.  Right now my mind feels soupy and I feel sleepy, but that will improve for sure.  It's important to get toxic things or people out of your life.  Caffeine was toxic, so it's gone.  I know you all make think I'm nuts for doing this.  Different things effect people different ways.  Caffeine messes with my blood sugar and makes me hopped up.  It also dries my throat out, so for me, it's a toxic substance.  I hope all of you are having a great year so far.

Pearl Fishers

I just wanted to write a brief entry about an opera I just saw at the Met.  This is not a review, since I am not a reviewer.  I just mainly wanted to say that it was a really enjoyable show which I highly recommend people listen to on the radio this Saturday afternoon. It's called The Pearl Fishers and it's by Georges Bizet who is best known for his last opera "Carmen."
    Bizet was a genius who only lived until the age of 36.  Bizet was an exceptional orchestrator, and that is very evident in this opera.  Just listen to the strings in the duet "Au fond du temple saint."  There is also wonderful writing for the flute in this duet which is also a trademark in "Carmen."  Matthew Polenzani and Mariusz Kwiecien did an outstanding job with this duet tonight.  The voices blended very well on the unison E flats in particular.  Diana Damrau not only sang beautifully, but was outstanding as far as dynamic range and presence on stage.
     This show had a lot of highlights, and was one of the best things I've seen recently. Gianandrea Noseda brought the best out of all the performers.  I remember watching him conduct Tosca at the Verbier festival and being in complete awe of him.  The Met orchestra sounded fantastic tonight under his leadership.  I would definitely check this show out if you can.  It's worth going, plus it's not too long.  Highly recommend.

The Little Things

I want to post more in 2016, so why not start now?  It's really important to not let things get to you.  I say that to you mainly referring to myself, but also to those who might read this.  The little things in life can really get to me.  Little irritations like traffic.  Last Wed someone honked at me and I flipped my lid.  The thing is that angry outbursts over little things can kill you.  Since I felt it in my chest afterwards I can attest to that.   Aside from the little things it's really important to not be too hard on ourselves.  I reached the point yesterday where I was having palpitations, joint pain and stiffness and aches in various joints.  Back in 2009 I was diagnosed with Lyme disease.  I took the antibiotic, and that basically solved it.  However, I do have it chronically at times.  Most days are pretty good.  However when the temperature or barometer pressure drop and I stress myself out it flares up in the form of fatigue, body aches, and stiffness.  Notice how I said stress myself out.  Other people or situations only stress me out when I choose to let them.  We actually have choices with how we take things.  Do not let the little things get to you, and don't take yourself to seriously.  Just try your best to stay calm and you will have good emotional sobriety.  This totally goes for me.  That's why I am writing this right now.
 
     There is another aspect of the concept of little things which is enjoying the little things.  For example, take a look at the moon and how beautiful it looks.  Of course that is a big thing which we view as little.  If we are kind to people during the day it may seem little, but it is much bigger than we think.  If I may paraphrase a quote I saw recently, the quote referred to the little things becoming big things as life goes on.  My point is don't be so wrapped up in all the millions of things you have to do, the minor annoyances and all the little things that happen throughout the day.  You'll miss those little things like a beautiful sunset and not experience life.  The sun is of course absolutely huge from a literal sense, but people often don't realize it's significance.  If it weren't here, we wouldn't be here.  Anyway, if you are reading this, thank you for helping me get over my writers block.  Stay tuned for more.
   

New Years

I like to write blog posts around the holidays and end of the year.  If you're reading this I wish you a great holiday and healthy and happy start to the new year.
  There are many amazing people in the world who do absolutely amazing things.  For example, brain surgeons, heart surgeons, humanitarians, EMTs, nurses, policemen, firemen, etc... Think of how many lives these people save on a daily basis, and it will blow your mind.  I'd personally like to thank these kind of people for their dedication and bravery.  There are many professions that I left out and types of people I left out, and that is why I wrote etc...
   I'm writing all that to express gratitude for the goodness in the world that is often overlooked in the news and what not.  I also believe that if we focus more on the goodness in the world, there could be no violence.  Less violence isn't good enough.  No violence is good enough.  Love, kindness, caring about others, and being in harmony with one another is good enough.  Violence such as harming other people and animals is something I will never get.  There was a shit load of violence in 2015, and I don't understand why.  Perhaps I am not supposed to understand why.  I'm not sure what else to say about that. Shooting after shooting and constant hostility.  I don't get it.
    The real fact is that violence isn't going to decrease.  I wish that weren't true, but the evidence is overwhelming that it keeps getting worse.  Shootings and more shootings, bullying in person and on the internet.  Often times teachers bully the students in schools.  Don't even get me started with that.  Why teach then??  I had a teacher growing up who called a student a loser and a cheater.  Again, why teach then?  Anyway, I shifted in the negative a bit here.  I want to go back to loving, and kindness.
   If you search the internet for people being kind, tons of a awesome things come up.  Aaron's last wish is one of them.  Aaron committed suicide and wrote in his will that he wanted his family to go to restaurants all over the country and give waiters or waitresses awesome tips.  That is an amazing act of kindness.  This is just one example.  Another example which really touched me was one of my students helping out another student.  Both students had solos in a choir concert.  The other kid was having trouble has my student tried to help him.  Very moving for sure.
   I am writing all this because it would he nice to see some of the good things in the world focused on more often.  Most news is about people doing horrible things to one another.  People who save lives are getting recognized more, but it is still not enough.  Many people do brave and heroic deeds which get overlooked every day.  Despite the fact that violence is increasing more and more, I'm still staying optimistic because there are so many beautiful acts of love and kindness which occur to counteract the acts of violence.  Hopefully love will win and be the antidote to violence.  In a lot of cases you'll already see it happening.
  As far as New Years Resolutions,  I set goals which are realistic, and ones which I work on one day at a time.  I want to eat well, lose weight, really work on my craft, grow spiritually and just be the best person I can be.  Those are a few generals goals I have which are doable.  I'm hoping to also get off caffeine and stay off.  Life is more chill without it and my head is more clear.  Wish me luck with that one.  Now, if I said I was going to enter the mister universe contest or be able to fit in a leotard that would be bullshit goals.  You don't want to see me in a leotard believe me.  If you find yourself slipping on your resolutions just live in day tight compartments.  Just get back on track.  I hope everyone has a fantastic 2016.

Upcoming Events

I just wanted to blog about some concerts I have coming up.  First of all I am in two concerts with the Salvatones.  They are this Sunday 12/20 at 4, and Monday at 7 at Old St. Peter's on Barclay Street in lower Manhattan.  The Salvatones will be joined by the NY Virtuosi and organist and composer Stephen Fraser.  His Xmas work Noel Nouvelet will be on the program along with some terrific arrangements on "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire", "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman" and Go Tell In On The Mountain" to name a few.   The church has a wonderful acoustic, so come check it out.

Also, I will be in Xmas eve and day services at Marble Collegiate Church where I sing regularly on Sundays, and at St. Patricks Cathedral.  If I don't make it past Xmas eve send out a search party. All services will be live streamed, so if you can't be there in person you can watch online.

  On 1/29 at 7 pm I will do a solo recital of American songs by Duke, Ives, Dello Joio, Speaks, Malotte, Bolcolm, Petrie and Bernstein to name a few.  This will take place at Beethoven Piano studios at 7 pm.  There will probably be some songs you've never heard before, so come on out.  In addition the Thoreau Ensemble which I co-founded with Patrick Durek will be planning a few house concerts.  So, stay turned for that.

Self pity is a waste

     Self pity is a waste of time.  I sometimes indulge in this perverse form of grandiosity.  It's thoughts.  It ain't real.  Doesn't matter what's happened or what the situation is because self pity doesn't solve the problem.  Self pity blows up into anger and all sort of other shit you don't want.  Self pity is self defeating and causes people to sell themselves short.
     Self pity happens to me when I have too much time a lone with my thoughts.  When thoughts get negative, turn them to the positive.  I've been told this many times, and when I'm in self pity my first reaction is yeah right, sure, positive my ass.  If you woke up today that's a reason to be positive.  People might laugh when I say that, but there is no guarantee that I will wake up on any given day, or live to see tomorrow.  Therefore, I ask, are the self defeating thoughts the last thoughts you want to ever have?  Hopefully the answer to that is no.  For example do I want to have resentments and anger towards stupid things?  
     Self pity has an effect not only on health and well being, but also effects relationships with others, job performance etc...  I sometimes get into self pity and don't even realize I'm doing it.  Then I wonder why I waisted that time.  It sucks when that happens because it destroys the present moment.  For example a friends trying to talk with you and you're thinking about all the shit you have to do, or who you're angry with.  Then you get into self pity because you weren't present enough with your friend.
     When I say all this I do not mean that someone shouldn't grieve if something happens to a family member or pet.  Self pity is very different than that in my opinion.    Self pity for me means sitting at home and getting negative in my head saying things like I'll never have a girl friend, I hate living in this place, I'm out of shape, this person doesn't like me, etc...   Believe me, it is a total waste of energy.
     Self pity is just a dangerous trap to fall into.  I used to have a real problem with self pity.  I still go into self pity mode.  However, I can catch myself going into self pity quickly now because I am aware of it.  People have things in their lives that they want to improve, or things which they could have handled differently.  Self pity doesn't solve this problems.  I'm talking about depression in this post.  Depression is an issue that should be taken very seriously.  I'm talking about self pity only.
     The solutions to self pity are gratitude and action.  Gratitude is important for the sake of keeping the proper perspective.  I have a roof over my head, whereas most people in the world do not.  I have a car, nearly nine years sobriety, friends, family, cool gigs, a great pet etc...  That's gratitude in action.            
     There is also action in the literal sense.  If my place is messy, I can clean the damn apartment.  If my voice is tired I can rest.  Although rest contradicts action I suppose.  If I'm eating poorly, I can make a better choice and eat well.  If I'm in self pity over my career, I can take action to improve that situation.  If I don't get out enough, I can get my ass out that door.  Get the ass out the door and the mind will follow.
     Self pity is a poor choice for a state of mind.  Again, I'm not referring to depression of any other genuine mental disorders.  Self pity isn't a mental disorder in my opinion.  It's a negative mind space that can be corrected by turning things into positive.  There's always something to be grateful for.  Start with the fact that you woke up today.  
 

Why Is There Racism?

 I am disturbed that any type of racism still exists.  As a matter of fact it disgusts me.  Any acts that don't have love behind them disgust me.  I see these horrifying posts on Facebook about black people being beaten or killed. Why we have to have any violence is beyond me.  If someone understands why violence needs to exist, send me a fax or an email.
   This racism stuff has to go.  I just want to know how it ever got started in the first place.  I can't comprehend why some people are viewed as less human than others.  This goes strongly for men versus women too. There should be no versus in that sentence.  The word should be equal instead of versus.  It's hard being a woman.  I can't even imagine.  Men harassing you on the street and what not.  As a guy, I can walk from point A to point B safely without some dude harassing me.  Well most of the time.  I did get harassed by guys in Baltimore.  One of them said "nice ass."  Generally, that doesn't happen to me though.  I just hate violence and inequality.  If god made us, god didn't say that one gender or race is superior to the other.  If he did, let me know.  I didn't hear that anywhere.  I'm also not trying to start an argument with this post.  I just don't like when people are hurt physically, spiritually or mentally because of their race, gender or beliefs.
  Same deal with bullying.  What the fuck is that about?  Some kid is nice, so let's insult and taunt him or her verbally and electronically over the internet.  It might make them take their life.  It happens all the time.  Sometimes the teachers in schools are the bullies.  That really perplexes me.  There have been recordings of teachers bullying special needs children on the news.  Very disturbing, and furthermore, those teachers didn't even get fired.  I'd need shock therapy if I were the parent.  I guess this post is dark.  I didn't intend it that way when I started writing.  I don't know what if anything I can do about all this.  Bullying and racism really anger me greatly.
  Let's end this on a bright note.  Why not, love and nurture one another instead of being violent or hurtful?  We can live in a hostile world or a peaceful one.  Which one are we going to choose?  We can actually choose to be happy at any moment.  It's actually that simple.  If someone bullied or abused you, let them go.  The best revenge is letting toxic people go, and being healthy and prospering.

Great Historical Singers (Feodor Chaliapin)

Feodor Chaliapin was one of the most significant singers of the early twentieth century, and he is still as important today.  Chaliapin possessed a bass voice that speaks to people's hearts.  In addition, he had a very easy upper range with remarkable dynamic control.  Chaliapin is considered the Caruso of basses because of his popularity as a singer and actor.  Chaliapin's acting took opera acting to new levels, and seeing him on film is not to be missed.  Check out Don Quichotte (Don Quixote), and you will not be able to take your eyes off of him. Fortunately,  Chaliapin's art is well preserved on film and records.  There are so many recordings of Chaliapin that I love, that I can't pick a favorite.  One unique recording of his, is the song "The Blind Ploughman."  The passion in Chaliapin's singing is just remarkable.
   Chaliapin was a very tall man.  Possibly over 6 ft 6. I will be paying homage to this great artist and since I am slightly under 5'9, I will need some big time lifts or stilts.  If anyone has any please send them my way.  There will never be another Chaliapin.  There were other basses that were famous during Chaliapin's time that never achieved his fame because his acting ability and voice were so unique.  I cannot tell you how lucky we are to have footage of his acting skills in the film Don Quichotte.  He is Don Quixote plain and simple.  Since the film was done in Russian, French and English, Chaliapin does have a thick accent, but his acting ability makes you forget that.  Wayne Connor lent me that film when I was at Peabody and it blew me a way.  The sound track to that film includes the Don Quichotte songs by Jacque Ibert which were written for Chaliapin.  There was a contest for which composers songs would be used in the film.  I believe that Maurice Ravel's songs were not submitted on time, but I am not sure that is the reason why Jacques Ibert's songs won.  They are very effective songs, with a good Spanish flare.  They were written for Chaliapin, so they show off his unique ability to sing pianissimo high notes above the staff.
  Chaliapin was a very demanding artist.  According to the famous impresario who managed Chaliapin when he sang at the Metropolitan Opera Sol Hurok, Chaliapin was "a hell of a fellow in every way."  Chaliapin would call Hurok constantly and say he couldn't sing on a given day because he didn't feel well.  He would make him come over every couple of hours to check on him as a matter of fact.   A lot of great artists get nervous and are very particular about things, so Chaliapin wasn't necessarily unique in that way. That's just an interesting fact that I wanted to share.  Another one is that Chaliapin had a son, Feodor Chaliapin Junior who was an actor who starred in Moonstruck.  Chaliapin was also very good friends with composer Sergey Rachmaninov.  Chaliapin worked with Rachmaninov on musicianship, especially for his most famous role of Boris Godunov.  In addition, several songs by Rachmaninov are dedicated to Chaliapin, the most famous of those being "Fate", which is a tribute to Beethoven's five symphony of the same title.
   It is important to name some of the works that Feodor Chaliapin premiered.  He was famous for premiering Massenet's Don Quichotte.  He premiered the title character.  He also premiered Aleko in Aleko by Rachmaninov at the St. Petersburg premiere, not at the actual premiere.  He also premiered Ibert's Don Quichotte songs as I mentioned earlier.  Rachmaninov said the following about Chaliapin. "Chaliapin will never die; for with his fabulous talent, this marvelous artist can never be forgotten... To future generations Chaliapin will become a legend." - Sergey Rachmaninov

First post of 2015

I have some spare time on my hands at the moment, so I figured I would post.  It's been a long time since I've posted.  December was crazy busy, and now things are relaxing a bit.  I'm in a place where I am making health an important part of my life.  Even though 2015 has only just started, I have been eating well, exercising and caffeine and alcohol free and have not looked back.  I intend to stick with it, I'm not making it a resolution, but a way of life.  Life is too short not to.  I'm taking it days and moments at a time, not just making it a goal for the whole year.  Health is a number of things, mainly just taking care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually.  Actually that's pretty much the whole deal since a number of things wrap around those three things.  One of those things being allowing people who build me up into my life versus the opposite.  Toxic people have got to go.
   Artistically, things are a bit quiet right now.  I'm sure that will change.  Just have to stay positive and keep doing the work.  I am planning a homage recital to the late Russian bass Feodor Chaliapin during this year, so stay tuned for that.  I will talk about Chaliapin a bit, and sing songs he sang.  I like doing recitals since they make me feel artistically fufilled.  I am also planning a concert version of Lucia with some colleagues of mine, so stay tuned for that as well.  I'm just trying to let the pieces fall into place versus micromanaging the crap out of everything.  I'm planning some open mics with my songs and some covers.  I'm brushing up on the old guitar skills first.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that my students will be in a recital tomorrow night.  I'm very proud of their work.
  Enough about me.  Corny as this may sound, I'm hoping for less violence.  We are not off to a good start.  I'm referring to the events in Paris.  The obituaries of those who died made me very sad.  I'm sad for the families as well.  The people who died sounded like courageous and accomplished human beings.  I feel like violence just continues and it never stops.  I'll never understand why.  Musicians need to remember that we can help be an antidote to violence.  Leonard Bernstein basically said what I just said but more eloquently because he was brilliant.  When we are in nail biting rehearsals rehearsing a spot on the passagio a hundred times, it's good to remember that music is very peaceful for the soul.
  This blog feels random to me.  I was nicknamed random in eighth grade.  I wasn't a fan of that nickname.  The last point I'll make is to urge people just to be nice to each other.  Saying something nice to someone can have a tremendously positive impact.  The opposite is also true.  Be well everyone.  I'm going to hopefully blog more often this year.

All We Have is Now

Seems obvious right?  Why is this such a simple, yet complicated topic?  Honestly it is simple.  All we have is now and that is reality.  I'm all for making future plans or learning from the past.  However, don't waste energy on either the past or worrying about the future because all we have is now.
   I will be completely honest about why I just thought about writing this entry.  I are chipotle which is not good for me, then was shaking my head in disgust thinking well if I had kept exercising, I'd be fit by now.  Okay, maybe that's true, but fuck it, all I have is now.  I can accept that I am not fit and make a decision to change that now and go forward.  I should be fit really doesn't mean anything at this very moment.  I looked at myself in the mirror and said should, smoud, and said screw that all you have is now.  I know smoud isn't a word.  Oh well.
   It's never too late to change things right now.  I don't give a shit about being too old or this and that.  I admit to not being good about taking my advice on my accounts.  Hopefully I will this time, or better yet someone who reads this will be inspired by this.  I only say that because I hope this helps someone who's struggling.  I don't write these things for credit ever.
  So, let's go back to the concept of now for a moment.  Everything is fine right now.  I will sometimes complain about things I have to do in the future.  I worry about stuff and 99% of the worrying is bullshit.  So, I ask you if you're worrying, what is wrong with right now?  My only problem right now is that I ate too much at Chipotle in North Brunswick.  So, I'll eat healthy from here on out, I hope. Anyway, that's not a huge problem.  I am not making light of things people have to go through.  People go through many a rough time.  Just stay in the now and deal with it one step at a time.  I have a cat meowing at me, so I'll end this here.